Feature: Most Bizarre Sex Injuries

A team of three world-weary male paramedics are forced to confront the dregs of society – not to mention their own inadequacies as SIRENS, Channel 4’s hot new TV comedy drama; currently showing on E4 is released on DVD on 12 March 2012, from Universal Playback. Starring British Comedy Award winner KAYVAN NOVAK (Facejacker, Four Lions), RICHARD MADDEN, RHYS THOMAS (Shooting Stars, Bellamy’s People), and AMY BETH HAYES (Secret Diary of a Call Girl) star in the six-part comedy drama set in Leeds from Brian Fillis, (The Curse of Steptoe, An Englishman in New York) inspired by real life ambulance technician Tom.

To celebrate the release of season one on DVD out Tomorrow Monday 12 March we have the final two of fun medical related features, starting first with the most bizarre sex injuries.

1. Your sexytime can injure others as a 14 month old found out after crawling out from under a hotel bed teething on a vibrator. The infant had to be tested for STDs.
2. We all like to get kinky – but there’s no need for bottles up the bum. Especially not upside down. The NHS deals with hundreds of foreign objects inserted anally each year.
3. Ouch! One (we can only presume very very hairy) man accidentally sliced off part of his foreskin while shaving. It soon became infected and needed treatment. To top it all off, the man found syphilis as well.
4. Masturbation might not make you blind. But doing it with a strand of spaghetti inserted into the penis is a recipe for disaster, as one Italian man found out as the uncooked pasta snapped and cut into his urethra.
5. The Daily Mail reported a woman became deaf after he partner was being a little aggressive with the heavy petting and ruptured her eardrum.
6. Do you always seem to have a cough and cold? A woman in India went to a doctor after six months of suffering, only to find she had a condom lodged in her throat.
7. People may say you pull ideas out of your ass, but if you do, stick to old tungsten light bulbs… One Croatian man was lucky to survive an energy saving bulb exploding in his rectum.
8. Never forget the plight of the British woman who found, after falling off of her Wii Fit board and trapping a nerve that she was in a constant state of heightened sexual pleasure.
9. Did you know some intense orgasms can rupture the blood vessels in your eye? Double-take next time you see a red-eyed coworker.
10. A survey has found the most dangerous places to have sex are on the sofa, in the car, and on the stairs. Carpet burns. Ouch.
11. Two young lovers were having it off at their nan’s when they accidentally used (heart medication) nitroglycerine as lube. They were brought back to consciousness some time later.
12. Two injuries this time… A surgeon suffered a bump on the head when his patient shot a bouncy ball from his behind. The ball had become lodged during intercourse some hours earlier.
13. A Telegraph survey in 2010 discovered that 1 in 3 of us has been injured performing a sex act. Staying safe doesn’t just mean using a condom!
14. There have been many cases of burning genitals – caused by one or both partners performing oral sex after consuming hot and spicy foods. At least leave it a while first!